I never thought I'd be speaking these words...

new journal?

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 01:12:16 GMT

I'm trying this out: My Journal

But it's very possible that I come back to Livejournal... it all depends on which one I like better. I guess we'll see. :-)

to reach me now

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 00:21:18 GMT

"I had to go real bad." -Haley from a few days ago. You know, Jen and Steph. You know. ;-)

Today was just one of those days. Nothing great happened, but nothing bad either. Just went through the motions of the day. The motions that I want to drop. I wanna do something crazy. I mean, not bad crazy. Just something crazy that I can have a good story about... to tell in third person. ;-) Naw, I just don't want to do what is expected of every person. I just wanna go nuts. :-)

Well, I can say that I spent the first three hours of school dreading the outlook of turning in a 7 page research paper that I started AND finished yesterday/this morning with Katie. Haha, good thing we have good imaginations, eh? :-) Ummm, I also spent all day craving a Pepsi. But nope, I didn't give in. Not today... I definitely ruined my 2-week-no-soda-streak on Friday cuz I was having a bad day so I just decided, what the heck. I wish I wouldn't have, but I'm not having any more soda. I'm DONE! I feel like I'm trying to quit an addiction. I guess you could look at my Pepsi-drinking as an addiction... hmm. What else happened today?? Hmm, well... I smiled a few times. I remember I used to get in trouble for smiling too much in class. Oooh, those were the days. I think I'll smile more often. Yep, I'm gonna. Oh, good news: in 2nd and 3rd hours we're doing a history of our town. And my group drew the topic of "transportation" out of a can. Needless to say, I am overly excited. Railroads/trains, steamboats, horses, and if we're lucky a few automobiles! Woo.

Brr. I'm cold.

Math test on Wednesday. I'll need all the prayer I can get. Conics. Stupid conics. What kind of word is that anyways?! Geesh! But yeah, I'll be studying like crazy for that. Although I've learned that most of the time the more I study the worse I do. I haven't really studied too hard for a math test though. Maybe it'll work. Wow, this is boring! I'll save you all the more boredom and just end this now. Lucky you.

Have a good Tuesday. I mean, I'm not gonna lie... I will.

-Nicole-

this is my worship to You

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 04:39:33 GMT

"I should have stopped after my 7th... but these are amazing!" -Lyns talking about cookies

I have been given chance after chance to just give up. But I'm not going to. I'm going to stay strong, stay faithful because I will eventually get through this... only with God's help. I mean, I've asked for this, right? Yes.

I've decided that I'm done caring. I'm done caring about everything. People can say what they want about me behind my back. People can say what they want about me even to my face. I will not change who I am, or what I feel just to please people who, in the long run, are absolutely meaningless to me. So I'm done putting forth an effort to make people happy. I only want to be myself... and if people don't like me, then I'm sorry...I'm not changing just to please them. So even though it's hard for me to take... people just might not like me... and there's nothing I can do about it. Things I say might hurt people's feelings (unintentionally) and after it's all said and done, there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, if I've ever hurt your feelings, I really am sorry... it was not on purpose. I like to think that I'm not a hard person to get along with... maybe other people would beg to differ. Okay, well I can deal with that. I'm not changing my feelings or who I am.

Thank God for my 5th hour. Thank God for the people I've become so much closer to because of the opportunity to be a student assistant. When I decided to join with the assistants I had no idea of what an impact it would have on me. Those kids make my day 100 times better.... and they don't even realize it. And the teachers... amazing people that I truly look up to as role models. My day would be incredibly boring (and sometimes completely awful) if it wasn't for each one of those blessings in that class. I mean, in the mornings, during the day, and even after school I am impacted by them. I don't know what I would have done today... or yesterday... or the past few weeks.. without them. And by 'them,' I mean the students, the assistants, and the teachers. They continually encourage me and give me something to look forward to, and especially something to smile and laugh about. Little did I know at the beginning of this year how amazing this entire experience would turn out to be. Sooo blessed.

I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

-Nicole-

thank You for hearing me

Thu, 03 Feb 2005 03:58:54 GMT

It's been a while. And for some reason I don't even know what to say. Probably because I'm always walking on needles. Always afraid of what people might think... or afraid of hurting people's feelings... or afraid that someone might get mad at me. Maybe I'm even afraid that people won't like me. Oooh wow. Why do I even care?! And as much as I don't like the fact that I contsantly watch what I say or what I do...as much as I might want to change that...I know I won't. Because that's who I am. Wow, I get so worried if I screw up a little. You know what?! I'm not even CLOSE to perfect. No one is. Sometimes I just wish I could learn to deal with that... and even more, I wish that other people could learn to deal with that. That way I wouldn't HAVE to continue to "walk on needles" all the time. I don't know.

On a lighter note... it's February. The month of Valentine's Day and my pops' birthday...and my gma's. Can't forget "Black History Month." It's the month that basketball ends, and soccer comes. President's Day is in February. (And we don't have school that day! Woo!) One month closer till school gets out (SUMMER)... one more month closer to soccer season, spring break, Florida (or Minnesota depending on if my brother makes the NCAAs!!!), Easter, ... yeah.. all that good stuff. Stuff that gives me hope. Hope is what I need now. So yay for hope...
I mean, life can't always be good or else we would never learn. We would never become stronger people. Both emotionally and spiritually. So deep down I'm grateful for this hard time... even though on the outside I hate it. I know that I'll come out of this 2 week long crap... stonger and smarter! So yeah, God won't put me through anything I can't handle. And I'd like to say I'm handling it as of now. Now, don't get me wrong... I'm not saying that I've handled it very well up to this point. I've honestly tried so hard. But it's not that I've failed miserably. And the fact that God still gives me hope can get me through anything!

Okay, I am so busy. Ahh! Have an awesome rest of the week...

-Nicole-

in a world afraid of commitment i give You my soul

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 03:57:17 GMT

Sarah Kelly probably has the most powerful lyrics I have ever heard. And so many speak to me.

"I choose to trust You even through the fire. And even when my eyes can't see, I know You're right beside me. And I will always praise You, Lord, no matter what may come. 'Cause You are always faithful to me. So I will dream and I will live that what You've promised... soon I will see You. It's just a matter of time till I see Your face, till I dance in Your presence and sing out Your praise. It's just a matter of time till I hear You say, 'Well done.' "

"Why do I worry about tomorrow when You are the one that holds my future in Your hands? Faithful Father, I surrender all to You. All my love and my devotion, all to You."

"And I don't want You just because I need You. I don't want You just because You make my life complete. And I don't want You in light of what You have for me. I want You simply because... more than anyone else, I love You more. I love You more. More than life itself, I want You more. I want You more. I know that You're the one that I need. And I know that You're the one who makes my life complete. And I know that great things are in store for me. But I want You simply because... more than anyone else, I love You more. I love You more. More than life itself, I want You more. I want You more.
I'm searching, longing, and willing and wanting You more. Mold me, make me, change me, take me 'cause I'm completely Yours. Completely Yours."

I know that most of you probably didn't read most of them because sometimes lyrics bore people. But I had to share them because they're just amazing. Thank you all for your prayers. It means a lot. Every person in my life is a blessing to me. Thank you all.

-Nicole-

...

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 23:57:39 GMT

When it rains, it pours. Pray for me, please?!

in Your arms of love

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 05:46:51 GMT

"7th. Hmmm, the 7th. *pauses in deep thought* Well, in December Pearl Harbor happened on the 7th." -Nick

I haven't really written in here for a few reasons. Not only am I really busy... but I hate writing when I'm in bad or depressed moods... and lately that just seems to be EVERY day. To tell the truth, today wasn't great either. But tonight was fun. So I'm in a good mood. Yay!

I should have some awesome pictures on my site pretty soon. :-)

Aminta and I almost got kicked out of "basketball band" tonight. No joke. :-) But it's okay.. because we'd still be in "pep band." Right, Aminta? ;-)

"To live is Christ. To die is gain."

So Fusion has been going pretty well. I've gotten a lot out of the past two sermons...

Okay, so I guess I can relate to this... I am given the choice to walk away from God. When things aren't going the way I want them to... when I hate getting up in the mornings... when I have nothing to look forward to each day except crap I don't want to deal with... I am given the choice to give up. Basically, what I'm saying is that God has given me the choice to say, "I hate my life right now. I hate the way things are going. That's it. God, where are You when I need You the most? Why are You putting me through this? I'm done." And I can walk away from everything I've been taught, everything I've known since I was little. I can walk away from God. Everyone can. Because, amazingly, God has given us the choice to rely fully on Him, or rely fully on yourself. But even if someone walks away from God and gives up completely on Him, He will never leave them. He will wait for them... and if they eventually come back to Him, He will love them just the same. And that amazes me.
Now... I've realized lately that when things get tough in my life I tend to stray from God. No, I don't give up on Him. But I'm obviously not perfect... and I find myself relying on myself to get through the hard times... when I SHOULD be relying on God. I admit, sometimes I question why God would put me through such a hard time. But... I know that I will come out of the hard times a stronger, and hopefully better, person. So I can question all I want. The answer is always the same: God teaches me... makes me stronger... and eventually happier. What more could I want? Grow emotionally and spiritually into a better person! So I've learned that through what seems like horrible times, I need to thank God. Instead of questioning Him... I need to be grateful for the learning experience. I might not even notice at the time... I may not EVER notice what He's doing or why He's done it. But it's all for a reason. And I'm grateful for everything He's done.
When I look at my life... I can't ask for more. I don't want anything else besides what I have. I'm blessed. And for me to even think that I hate my life makes me feel guilty. Because there's nothing else... no other life I'd rather have than mine. And wow, what more could I ask for?!

And that, my friends, was not intended. I'm not saying that I've been miserable lately. Nothing has happened that I could even consider, "horrible." It's just those little things. School...basketball...drama... it all adds up, ya know? And eventually you find yourself sitting at your computer at almost midnight, wide awake, listening to and singing praise songs, typing out what's been going through your mind all week without you knowing it... you haven't written it down or even clearly thought about it... until now. :-P

Well, have a good weekend!!!

-Nicole-

i hate school. :-)

Mon, 17 Jan 2005 22:37:43 GMT

"What did you do last night?" -Jen
"No one." -Lynsey

So much basketball.

So much homework.

Yes, that's right. My "day off school" has turned into a "play basketball, lose, and do loads of homework day." But it's okay. I'll live. I had yesterday off of basketball and I definitely didn't do my homework. But I truly didn't have hardly any time. I went to praise practice (solid 3 hours), to see my grandpa (doing tons better!!), and then to Pastor Shane's house for cell groups. Aminta and Noel came. It was cool. Then we came back to my house and watched "Little Black Book." I laughed at the movie. I also got about 140 pictures developed... and I had to buy another album. So yeah, I definitely spent a lot of money on those pictures. But it's cool. I'm gonna start printing them all off instead of getting all of 'em developed. That will help.

I need something extremely exciting to happen to get me through this week of school. It won't happen. But we can hope.

I remember in 7th grade..and 8th grade.. I used to RUN into the school because I was excited to be there. WOW. I can't believe I just admitted that. Forgive me?

Yeah, I'm not gonna lie... I'm only writing this entry because the last thing I want to do is get started on my homework. There's no denying that. This is pretty much pointless... and boring... yet, I still don't want to stop. *sigh* Fine.

-Nicole-

You are the ground beneath my feet

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 21:35:21 GMT

"I have a birthmark on my butt. Well, either that or it's a rash." -Lynsey

I watched an entire episode of "Power Rangers" this morning. I'm still trying to figure out why I liked that show when I was younger.

-Nicole-

wish someone would have told me before.

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 02:26:36 GMT

"Oh, I thought you were going to kiss me on the lips. I was like, 'Nicole!' *slight pause*... YES!' " -Lynsey. hahaha!

Today wasn't a very good day. But I'm not going to complain. It didn't have too bad of an ending. All day I was PRAYING that it'd keep snowing because I didn't want to go to practice after school at all. BUT, unfortunately, there was practice. Argh, I don't even wanna talk about it. After practice Jen was going to take Megs and I to the hospital... (too see our grandpa... he had surgery yesterday. If you could pray for him and my family that would be wonderful. Thanks so much.) Well, we walked out to her car and I couldn't feel ANY of my body parts by the time we got to her car. That's how cold it was. But to make a looong story short, her car doors were frozen shut and we could not get them open. It took a lot, but eventually we got 'em open. After 45 minutes. Then she lost her cell phone and we looked for that for another 15 minutes only to find out that Megan had it in her coat pocket the WHOLE time. haha, it was really funny. Even when it was happening, actually. So yeah, then we went to see my grandpa and he's doing a lot better than yesterday and even this morning. So that is awesome.

Yesterday I went to Fusion and Noel came too. It was great. I love that girl. :-)

It's going to be a three day weekend this coming weekend... we have a tournament in Galesburg all day Saturday and then again on Monday though. So that sucks. But yeah.

Today in 3rd hour we had the whole "schedule" talk for next year. Oh how dumb. Just another thing to be stressed out about. Thank God for NO MATH. Wooooooo! Okay. I'd rather stab myself in the face 4 times than take another year of un-needed math. (No, not 3 or 5 times. 4 times.) And no Latin next year either. Wow, I'm lucky. *sigh*

Yeah, speaking of math... when is there a night that I DON'T have algebra homework? Oh wait... there never is. So I need to go get that done. Yay. Have a good Friday. I'll try.

-Nicole-

it's storming outside. but i'm inside.

Thu, 13 Jan 2005 04:30:53 GMT

I know that I should be in bed considering it's an everyday struggle to stay awake during class lately. But I can't get myself to go to bed right now. Even as I sit here.. eyes burning.. I can't get myself to walk upstairs, get into bed, and finally sleep. And you'd think I'd be more than willing to sleep because it's an escape. Sleeping... away from everything... for those few, waaay too short, hours. Nothing to worry about, nothing to do, no pressure, no expectations. Nothing for 6-7 hours. What an amazing thing. To escape. To get away. Why do I not want it right now? I do. I do, but I don't.

-Nicole-

.i want to breathe the air tonight in a different place.

i know why i'm alive

Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:24:40 GMT

"Darn it Tammy! Where ARE you, Tammy Damron?!" -Lynsey... so, so, so funny.

I've been pretty busy lately. This week of school... 5 days... it's definitlely equivilent to 5 months in my eyes. It goes by sooo slow. Especially when you get really excited for snow days that never come. Stupid no snow days. I had a lot of homework. I guess the teachers think we like it. We had a game on Tuesday against Notre Dame too. We lost... but once again, we were decently close. The entire game we were only down by like one at the end of each period. We lost it at the end of the game. Booo!

I was assigned a theme that had the worst topic ever. I think I could write a better theme about why the topic was the crappiest topic ever than I could about the actual topic. Something about community service and if I agree that each student should be required to do 40 hours of volunteer community work before they graduate. Duh they should... 40 hours out of 4 years is nothing. I would NOT disagree with that.

Many things have happened lately. So there was a basketball tournament yesterday in Dunlap. That went well... we won our first game. It was awesome because it was so close and... we did it! yay. Uhhh, what else? Oh! I crashed the cymbals in band on Friday. ;-) I've been obsessively listening to Josh Groban. I've gotten to spend a lot of time with Jeremy as well... That is wonderful. He leaves for school again tomorrow, so I'll go into my state of depression again. :-P Ummm.... today there was a Fusion meeting. I went to that. Aaaaand... I'm addicted to Pepsi. Oh, and my B.

This week it is my goal to get all my pictures developed/printed and get them into frames/albums... I haven't gotten them developed since before Christmas! And I have probably over 100. Is that sad? Maybe. But I love it. I got a picture printer for Christmas but we still haven't gotten it hooked up or anything. I'm excited to do that though.

Aaaanyways, I think this entry is coming to an end. I know... you're disappointed. But I'm not. So have a great week this week at school. I won't. :-)

-Nicole-

"And when you're with me if I close my eyes
There are times I swear I feel like I can fly.
For a moment in time
Somewhere between the heavens and earth.
I'm frozen in time
When you say those words."
-Josh Groban

out of the darkness and into the sun

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 01:56:05 GMT

"ooo naked." -Lynsey

If I have learned anything in this past year it is this:

1. I NEED to be myself. I can't be someone I'm not. I can not go through my life trying to please other people. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I will eventually end up an unhappy and completely unfulfilled person. I live my life to please God. He's all I should live for. Not my reputation or what people think of me. If I live my life for God, I will be fulfilled and ginuinely happy. And that's what I want.

2. Some of the worst days/weeks/months of my life only make me a stronger, better, and more complete person. God puts me through hard times to teach me and to help me grow. Not only growing in faith, such as becoming so much closer to Him, but growing in character... How I treat people, and how I view people. Keeping my mouth shut in situations, and controlling the way I think. I have learned that through everything God is with me and He will eventually pull me through. It may hurt a lot and I might think there is never an end to the pain... but through those times when I feel completely overwhelmed like I can't even handle one more minute... my faith grows stronger and I realize that God will never put me through anything that I can't handle and that He is always, always, always with me. No matter what. When I'm so far away from Him mentally and spiritually He sticks with me.... And He will always love me just the same... unconditionally. What an amazing God.

3. Everything happens for a reason. Certain people have been put in my life for a reason, and certain situations have all happened for certain reasons. Each person and each situation (good or bad) help me grow and learn... and again, become a stronger, better, happier, more fulfilled person. And I am truly grateful for every person in my life... and every memory I have.. and every moment I am living. The people and the times in my life makes me who I am. And there's no one else I'd rather be than me.

I have tons to do tonight!! I'm sure I'll think of more.. which is why I could possibly be writing more about this later. Have a great one, guys! You're all awesome. Yay!

-Nicoooooole!-

running down, running down

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 02:44:35 GMT

"Your mother was born in December..." (It's a song)

It still hasn't completely sunk in that I have to go back to school tomorrow. Like, I can't stand the feeling. It makes me sick. SICK. I always tell myself it's time to make a new start... after each semester and even 9 weeks. But ya know what? It never works. I always end up struggling at the very end to raise my grades... which puts me in huuuuge stressful situations.... like, all the time. But somehow I still manage. Maybe this time I'll use my own advice and make the best of this "new start," and not have to be so completely stressed at the end of this school year. Ha. That's funny.

This break was overall amazing. I couldn't have asked for more... except, of course, more time. And by 'more time' I mean forever. I'm not going to lie, it wasn't perfect. But considering everything, it was awesome. Just awesome. I am very satisfied. :-)

A lot of basketball this break. Well, for a week at least. It was good to spend time with the team. Lynsey makes me laugh.

I have a lot to do... I hope everyone had a great break... and I can not believe it's 2005. Wow. :-)

-Nicole-

here i go

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 16:40:25 GMT

I am the luckiest person in this entire world.

I am so spoiled, but so grateful.

Good news! (note sarcasm) We're down to about 5 and a half players on our team now. (We heart our injured players.)

-Nicole-

Merry Christmas Eve's Eve. :-)

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 03:29:47 GMT

"I worship Satan...." *slight pause, complete silence* "What?" -Lynsey, of course

I feel..
-so blessed
--grateful
---unworthy
----happy happy happy
-----so excited!

Christmas is approaching. Not that I had to let anyone know that. It's pretty evident. (big word?...goood!) And I haven't been overly busy at all. No last minute Christmas shopping, no baking, (my parents like to do that... I don't think anyone would want to eat anything I'd attempt to bake!), not too much wrapping left to do, nothing that would hinder this amazing Christmas spirit. Not that I'm getting too caught up in the whole "spirit" thing to forget the real meaning of Christmas. Which isn't the shopping, baking, wrapping, or even the family time. It's about the gift God has given every single one of us... Jesus, of course! :-) For some reason each big holiday (basically Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving) makes me take a deeper look at my life. The people in it... I have a family that loves me and I know I can always count on. I have the best friends a person could ever ask for; friends that I trust, friends that give me hope, and friends that make me laugh daily. There are even people that I hardly know that enter my life if only for a short time to teach me things or to help me through certain times in my life that I sometimes don't even think twice about. This time of year I think about the material things I have. Things I don't even need...and things that I think I need. Why am I so unsatisfied? I also think about the memories I have... ones I would never give up in an instant... ones that I am so blessed to even have; Memories that I want to hold onto the rest of my life. Not only do I think about memories, but I think about NOW. What I'm doing now in my life. The blessings God gives me each day... As the song says, "The everyday miracles that keep my hope alive. The way He moves in little things that helps me survive." How amazing? I think about how I take so many things for granted. My relationships I have with people, and in a weird way, the relationships I don't have with people. I take for granted the time I say I'm "bored." Those are times most people would die for. (For me, these "boring" times are times I would have died for a few weeks ago...strange, eh?) I take for granted the people in my life, the things I have, and the awesome times I am so blessed to have. Not only do I take all those things for granted, but so much more. Christmas makes me think of how selfish I am. God gave us the greatest gift of all... and I find myself being incredibly selfish too often. I can give. But I don't most of the time. I have more than I need. But I don't give. Why not? I say this SOOO much... and I'm sure all of you are getting sick of this... but I can not express it enough. I am blessed. I am so so so so so blessed. And I am so so so so unsatisfied and ungrateful way way way way too often.
I need to express my gratitude...Thank you all for being so incredibly awesome... and being some of my blessings. I'm sorry if I take you for granted... or if I don't let you all know how much I appreciate you enough. But I do appreciate you. You all make me a happier (and in the down times... a stronger) person. Thank you.

Wow, so much rambling. I apologize. Maybe some people can make sense of all those words. I can't anymore. :-)

It's sad to think that after Saturday Christmas is over for a whole year... but the fact that Christmas can't happen all year long (obviously) makes Christmas time that much better when it finally comes. As for me, I can not wait to spend time with my family... but most of all, I can't wait to be a different kind of "Christmasser" this year... a waaay more grateful one, and one who realizes even more of what Christmas is really about... and one who can't wait to celebrate Jesus' birthday!

Merry Christmas!

-Nicole-

just keep me up

Thu, 23 Dec 2004 18:55:38 GMT

"I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it." -Elf.... tis the season... :-)

"I wanna be your friend forever
I wanna love you 'til the day that I die
I wanna be there when you¹re smiling at me
And I wanna be there when you need to cry
From the first time that I held you
I knew I¹d never want to let go
I see my life when I look into your eyes
And a love like yours is all I need to know

I know you tend to worry
The road we¹re on we¹ve never walked before
Just hold my hand and remember
No one else could love you more
I¹ll do my best to make you happy
Everything I am I give to you
So from today 'til the day that I¹m gone
My heart belongs to only you

You read my mind like it was a letter
Written just for you inside my head
You understand the way that I¹m feelin¹
Before a single word is said
I don¹t know why you took a chance on me
But you did, and know I¹ve got you
So from today 'til the day that I²m gone
My heart belongs to only you
What color are your eyes
I can¹t see in the dark
Let¹s use the light of the moon
Down at Clover Leaf park
Nobody loves me like you
You¹re the one I adore
I asked the Lord for my dreams
He gave me so much more. . .
. . . He gave me you"

Stupid cold pizza ;-)

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 00:18:33 GMT

"Where did the girls basketball team go during winter break?! You're all so tan!"
"Oh, nowhere. We just went to Elmwood."
^^We needed sunscreen and sunglasses! hahaha.

I was right. Today was a good day. And for no real reason. I pretty much did nothing. I watched Dodgeball. I wasn't expecting much, but at the same time I was expecting a little. That movie was like, disturbing. There were times while I was watching this that I would actually say outloud, "That was horrible." And soon I found myself struggling to stay awake. So I decided to end the struggle and just go to sleep. It was wonderful. Why am I finding myself taking naps so often now? I don't even know. I'm not complaining though. Although there are times when I just don't want to take naps. I only consider naps convienent when there is school work to be done or a lecture to listen to.... or when there's work to be done. :-)

So I'm always told that once I go off to college nothing will never be the same. I have to tell you that I kind of want that in a way. I mean, I need to get away from things. I know that mentally I am probably not ready at all for anything remotely like that. I'm not ready to go away from my family for a WEEK. But honestly...there are things and friends that I would keep in an instant. I couldn't imagine losing them. But sometimes I just feel like I want to start all over. I guess it's just mixed emotions. I want my friends. I want to keep the friends I have because I have been blessed an incredible amount by them, and it would be a complete miracle to find people as amazing as them. But at the same time I want to get away from everything. Oh well. I have like a year and a half. That's a long time. I guess I just thought about that because people keep telling me to start thinking about college and everything... if only I knew what I was going to do with my life. :-/

I feel so great. So refreshed and happy. This break from school.... (Oh, by the way... I DID IT! I raised my grade in Algebra by taking the final! Oh wow... God is SO awesome!) But anyways, this break from school is something that I needed horribly. I feel...like.... I can breathe! Even though I'm busy still with basketball and all, the pressure isn't nearly as intense as it was a few weeks ago. I'm amazed at how happy I can really be without pressure. It's been a while since I've felt like this. Ahh! I just wanna hug someone!!! :-D

Call me crazy. I don't even care.

Woooooooo!

-Nicole-

P.S. That Lemony Snickets movie...what a let down. :`-(

Pepsi

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 17:06:35 GMT

Jen bought me a Pepsi this morning after practice. The cap says: "Buy Dew or Pepsi 20 oz get 1 free." :-D Yes! What a good day. :-)

no one in this world could ever be like you

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 00:22:12 GMT

"Sometimes he makes me fell like a tub of lard." -who else but Lynsey in a very serious conversation?! haha...

--We won today. By 20. How awesome is that?! :-)
--Christmas shopping tonight. Should be interesting because I'm so incredibly cool and decided to go the weekend before Christmas. *sigh*
--Last night was fun. :-)
--Christmas is one week away...and counting. woo!
--Took a nap today. Unintentionally. Best kind.

Have a great weekend!

-Nicole-

till the stars fall from the sky...

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 04:23:10 GMT

I wanna breathe the air tonight in a different place.

to make you feel my love...

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 02:17:00 GMT

"Chaaaarge! Just go ahead and call it... Chaaaarge!"
"Look! He's holding me. Foul! Foul! Let go!" -Lynsey

What a good day. This morning I got up to go watch "Elf" (yes, for the 9th time) at school with Pacelli's class. So Megs and I got there, and it ended up that none of the kids were even there today for school. So we honestly hung out with Miller, Pacelli, and Miss M the entire day. It was amazingly fun!! I laughed so much. :-) After that I went to WalMart because I had some pictures to get developed...then I had to go to practice. After that I picked up my pictures... so I've been working on putting them in albums and picture frames...and stuff. So yeah, it's been good. Last night after practice Lyns, Megs, and I got something to eat then we went to the freshmen boys basketball game. It was weird because I didn't know anyone on the team except for Eric... but it was a good game. I'm going to go back to the school tomorrow morning and watch "Meet the Parents" before practice with Miller and the rest of 'em again. (Tyler said he'd come too...we'll see.) Isn't that weird? I'm spending my Christmas break at school hanging out with teachers. haha, oh well. It's so much fun! Tomorrow after practice there's a boys game and I have to be there for pep band... oooh fun. But I think I'm having people over afterwards...so that will be fuuuun. :-) Alright, I'm gonna go finish doing stuff. :-P

-Nicole-

Bugles

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 16:31:38 GMT

"You sit on a throne of lies..." -"Elf"

It's been a few days, I guess. Things have lightened up tons...thank God. No more tests/school for a few weeks. Which is absolutely amazing. So much pressure off me now. We had a game Monday night against Central. We played well... and actually got an encouraging headline in the newspaper. Yay.

Monday night after the game I went to Rachel's and stayed the night. Katie came after she got off work too. We had sooo much fun. I watched Elf for the 8th time, and that was (as always) wonderful. We stayed up till about 3 (with about an hour nap in there somewhere cuz I was sooo tired). Rach fell. It was awesome. We stood outside in the freeeeeezing cold and watched the meteor shower for a while. Everytime we'd see something we'd all get really really excited....aww man... that was fun.

Tuesday was a blow-off day at school. (and my birthday!) I paid 4 dollars to watch Shrek 2. I slept through pretty much the whole thing. I woke up and my neck was like, un-movable. Baaaad idea, Nicole. Umm, after that my Latin class went bowling and ate pizza cause we won the canned food drive. Katie, Zach, and I "bowled" together. If you can even call it bowling. I came back to school and went to 5th hour (love that hour!!) and then butchered my playing "test" in band by playing the complete wrong song. haha.. Woo! Then I had practice. I'm not gonna lie....it sucked. Then my pops took Megs and I out to dinner. Jen came over last night... good times. Today I went in to take my algebra finals although I didn't have to. If it doesn't raise my grade I'll be upset. Maybe Ryan will come into town and we can have lunch or something. I haven't gotten to talk to him in like, forever. I have practice today too. :-(

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday so great. :-) I love you guys.

-Nicole-

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 23:56:51 GMT

I got this email from my grandparents...thought it was good...thought I'd share it. :-) The subject was "natural highs"

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail. Not bills
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

When you actually think about each one, it makes you happy. Maybe this made you smile. That would be cool.

-Nicole-

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 04:53:37 GMT

I should be in bed. I got 2 and a half hours of sleep last night...and I'm dead tired. But I'm in love with this song:

-Only You
...David Crowder Band

Take my heart, I lay it down
At the feet of You whose crowned
Take my life, I’m letting go
I lift it upto You who’s throned

And I will worship You, Lord
Only You, Lord
And I will bow down before You
Only You Lord

Take my fret, take my fear
All I have, I’m leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

And it’s just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

You should see the view
When it’s only You

It's amazing. No words can explain the feeling I get when I'm in the presence of God. Everything that seems sooo huge to me, everything that I worry so much about, everything that bothers me or upsets me every single day... is NOTHING when it's just God and me. When it's just the two of us. "And it's just You and me here now. Only You and me here now." Being in the presence of God is one of the most amazing feelings I will ever have... and to imagine getting to spend time with Him for eternity is completely.... I don't know the word. But it's just awesome. The hope I have...and how refreshed I am... just, everything. As I said, words just can not express how I feel. It's not possible. *sigh* I'm just....happy. Genuinely happy.

Tonight Megs and I took David, our "Best Buddy" from the "Best Buddies" program to our church musical and then to get a shake. I don't know how to explain how happy tonight made me. What an awesome kid. And some people are just too selfish and stuck-up to get to know kids like him. He has truly been a blessing to my life, and I am incredibly grateful that he's my buddy this year. I just don't know how to put it. Maybe someone out there understands what I'm trying to say and how I feel.

Early morning tomorrow, and I know it'll come way too fast... so I need to get to bed! (Basketball game all day in Springfield...can't wait to hang out with the team!) Have a great weekend!! Thank you all for being so amazing. :-)

-Nicole-